To Have and To Hurt : Recognizing and Changing, or Escaping, Patterns of Abuse in Intimate Relationships

Every year, nearly 2 million injuries and some 1,300 deaths result from so-called intimate partner violence. In this work, psychotherapist Browne-Miller uses vignettes, as well as standing and emerging research, to detail both healthy and hurtful relationships and to show partners how to recognize and change relationships on, or headed toward, the path to abuse. She also explains when to leave a relationship, as well as how to do that so as to disentangle without further harm. This is a book that will interest not only those involved in, or who know of someone who is or might be involved in, an abusive relationship, but also students and scholars of psychology, counseling, social work, women's studies, and men's studies. When Cathy and John married 20 years ago, the relationship seemed almost charmed. But over the years as John's career became more established and Cathy raised the family of three children, things changed. First angry fights developed, followed by verbal and gestured threats of violence, and later, actual physical attacks and injuries. Several times Cathy called police, but when they arrived, fearing the social stigma as well as John's retribution, she would explain her injuries as dealt out by a prowler. When friends or family asked, she would claim the cuts or bruises were due to a fall or some other accident. But eventually, when her arm had been broken, a tooth knocked out, and her face bruised so badly she could not cover it up with makeup, she finally left the house and her husband-only to be stalked. Cathy and John are one couple that Angela Browne-Miller introduces us to in this book that looks at the increasingly publicized incidence of intimate partner violence, abuse that takes place behind closed doors, inside marriages and other loving relationships. Only a fraction of this abuse is ever reported, so just a fragment of the problem is reflected in national statistics that show nearly 2 million injuries and some 1,300 deaths annually caused by this so-called intimate partner violence. In this work, Browne-Miller uses vignettes, as well as standing and emerging research, to help us recognize the difference between a relationship being effected by normal stressors, and one that is abusive, or perhaps even deadly. Psychotherapist Browne-Miller details both healthy and hurtful relationships and shows partners how to recognize and change relationships on, or headed down, the path to abuse. And she also explains when we should leave a relationship, as well as how to do that to disentangle without further harm. This is a book that will interest not only lay readers who are involved in, or know of someone who is or might be involved in, an abusive relationship, but also students and scholars of psychology, counseling, social work, women's studies, and men's studies.