Where's My Mum Now? : Children's Perspectives on Helps and Hindrances to Their Grief

For a long time opinion has varied on the role of children when a loved parent, granny, relative or friend is dying/has died. There are those who exclude the child from knowledge of impending death and the funeral, arguing that it is all too distressing for a child, while others maintain that children want to be involved and can make decisions quite young. When my husband died we gave the grandchildren the choice. It was the youngest two who agreed straight away but Mary, 11, hesitated and then said " I don't want to go but if I don't I will never forgive myself." All three were glad to have gone and said their goodbyes. Brian not only believed that children are well able to be involved in the process of death, he was prepared to test it with a research project that involved not adults, but children who had had a parent die. This book records that research, its problems and results. I have known, and worked with, Brian for many years. His work is meticulous for he is dedicated to the theme, having been a clergyman and seen the many sides of dying and the way it is handled by families who, themselves, are often dealing with the unknown and their own fears of death and dying. This book is a must for all who have contact with children - parents, teachers, those in social services and all who need reassurance on the resilience of children who, yes, have many ways of coping but what they all want from their grownups is honesty, openness, involvement and love. Ann Faulkner Retired Professor of Communication in Health Care